Alright. Why not start off my movie blog nonsense site with a completely biased review??? In fact, I am now declaring that everything I say here will be completely off base and biased. Just a warning to the none of you out there, if Michael Mann filmed or DV'd a heaping pile of dog shit for two hours I would absolutely pay top dollar to see it. And - considering the fact that most people thought Miami Vice was a heaping pile of dog shit, I nonetheless loved and still love that heaping pile of deuce! So again - I loved this movie before I even saw it. Sorry.Got to check out an early sneak for this last week over the hill and needless to say it was BAD. ASS. Just imagine the shoot-out in Heat being extended for 2 hours and 40 minutes. With tommy guns. And Baby Face Nelson. And Christian Bale. And Depp. Slingin' it!
One word pretty much sums up this entire movie. LOUD. Every gunshot that rattled through the streets or the woods or the skulls or the wherever was LOUD. I seriously jumped outta my seat a few times at the noise. (The bobblehead in the suit said the movie was still a work in progress and that it may not have been mixed fully...but I hope it was this loud on purpose.) Just imagine if Alfred Molina's little gaysian firecracker boytoy from Boogie Nights was lighting off Red Devil's in your ears throughout the movie...
Speaking of sound, why do I have to deal with this fucking Phish fan couple next to me yappin' throughout the movie? And, how hard is it to open up your f 'ing sour patch kids? Haven't we done this before? Must we crinkle and crinkle and crinkle during all the quiet parts? We can roll a joint with one finger but we can't open up a batch of SPK's??? Don't people from Vermont know movie theater etiquette? No billboards are allowed in Vermont but talking in the theater is???!!! Crinkle and rip your shit open when tommy guns are blazing at 8000 decibels - not when we are silently building up tension for a prison break! What if I showed up and disrupted your vision quest at burning man last year? Dunces.
In regards to the movie, who knew Baby Face Nelson was so nuts? Everybody I guess. But he is one crazy fatty in this movie. Which reminds me - Hey fatty couple who were sitting to my left...did we really need to bat for the cycle with concession food? Sno Caps, at least 2 pretzels, a bucket of cho's with chee - I'm sure you could've used a shoulder strap to carry around your Coke Z's ...oh and remember when I mentioned the movie was loud?? Well apparently this popcorn slogging monster of a woman didn't think so. Which is why she continued to ask her husband who looked like Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince what the hell was going on. Lady, a bunch of white people are shooting the shit out of each other - that's what's goin' on.
And hey Ben Kenobi 7 rows in front of me - what's with you waving the Blackberry lightsaber through the entire movie??? The theater is dark, the saber is bright, hence - distracting. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you weren't checking up on your NASDAQ chartage but were probably writing something like this:
Ben Kenobi is watching a movie in Burbank. - 5 seconds ago
ARE YOU SERIOUS WITH THIS BEN KENOBI???? WHO GIVES A SHIT?? CAN'T YOU POWER DOWN YOUR DAMN LIGHT SABER PHONE FOR ONE MOVIE??? OR DO YOU HAVE TO LET EVERYONE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING EVERY 5 SECONDS??? OHHHHH GOD FORBID YOU DON'T CATCH DARNELL'S STATUS UPDATES TILL 2 HOURS FROM NOW!
Darnell is in prison making license plates. - 1 year from now
FUCKING RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I think I've said too much about PUBLIC ENEMIES already. You know I don't want to give too much away or influence your own opinions before seeing it. However, I know not everyone can wait till July One to see this movie. With that, I'll leave you with the gift of one tiny spoiler:
*SPOILER ALERT****SPOILER ALERT****SPOILER ALERT*****SPOILER ALERT*
THE NEXT TIME YOU GO TO SEE A MOVIE, WHETHER IT
BE MICHAEL MANN'S POWERHOUSE PUBLIC ENEMIES,
OR NOT...KNOW THIS: WATCHING ANY MOVIE IN THE BURBANK
AMC WILL GUARANTEE YOU THE EXPERIENCE OF THE FOLLOWING:
CRYING BABIES IN R RATED MOVIES, FULL ON CELL
PHONE CONVERSATIONS AT ANY POINT BEFORE, DURING
BUT NEVER AFTER THE MOVIE, GLUTTONY, PEOPLE PUKING
AND RELIEVING THEMSELVES IN THE VOMITORIUMS (AISLES),
ASS RAPE AND FOR ALL YOU STAR WARS NUTS : LIGHTSABERS GALORE.
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
***END SPOILERS****END SPOILERS****END SPOILERS*****END SPOILERS****
